Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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