yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Who died my cat blue again?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
