I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
