If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
As shirtless as possible
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
