Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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