So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
