I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
