he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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