just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
