I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
