OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
