Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
