Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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