Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
