You're completely useless in the revolution.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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