You're my little dorito
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
