Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
