Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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