Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
