so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
