I wish I could teleport
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize