Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
