just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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