I just threw up on my dentist
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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