my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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