dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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