my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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