Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
