On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
