Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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