He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
