i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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