and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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