question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
