I think I died a long time ago.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
