My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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