i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
