don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
