I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
