he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
