I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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