You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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