you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
