God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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