your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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