im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
