I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
