ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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