We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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