we have pet lesbian snakes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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