What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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