I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
