All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I puked a lego.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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