Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
