I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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