nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
