moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
