Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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