she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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