youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
