Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
