i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
