currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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