if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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