He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
