I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
