yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
