we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
