That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
