How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
