Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
