You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
